Verrique Leffer, email

AN ELDERLY woman decided to have her portrait painted. She told the artist: “Paint me with diamond earrings, a diamond necklace, emerald bracelets, a ruby broach, and a gold Rolex.”

“But you’re not wearing any of those things,” the artist replied.

“I know,” she said. “It’s in case I should die before my husband. I know that bastard will remarry right away, and I want his new wife to go crazy looking for the jewellery.”