Howard Thaytaist, email

A MAN walks into a bar and notices he’s the only one there, apart from the bartender, who’s on the phone. The bartender signals that he’ll be with him in a minute. The man nods and takes a seat at the bar to wait. Suddenly, he hears a little voice say: “Hey, you’re looking pretty sharp today. New suit?”

The man looks around but can’t see anyone else in the place. He hears the voice again. “Seriously, you are looking good, chum. Have you lost weight?”

The man looks around again and still doesn’t see anyone. “Hello?” he asks. “Is someone speaking to me?”

“You bet! I just had to say that I thought you were looking just super!” A bunch of other tiny voices suddenly rise in agreement.

The man realises now that these voices are coming from a bowl of beer nuts on the bar in front of him. He stares at them as the bartender finally hangs up and comes to serve him. “What’ll you have?” he asks the man.

“What? Oh, a pint of ale, I guess,” the man mutters, still staring at the nuts.

He finally looks up at the bartender drawing his pint. “What’s the deal with these nuts?” he asks.

The bartender brings the man’s pint over and sets it before him. “They’re complimentary,” he shrugs.