NE Waicheersh, email

A DRUNK stumbles out of a bar and gets in his car. Then he phones the police. “There hash been theivsh in my car!” he slurs. “They’ve shtolen the dashboard, the shteering wheel, the brake pedal, the radio, even the accshelerator!”

The police promise to send some officers out to investigate, but before they arrive, the drunk calls them a second time.

“Never mind,” he says with a hiccup. “I got in the back sheat by mishtake.”