Patrick O’Shaughnessy, email

AN ENGLISHMAN, a Scotsman, and an Irishman get drunk at the local pub one night and decide to rob the local bank.

So they try and hold up the place but are so shickered they completely bungle it. Within moments alarms are wailing, so they high-tail it down an alley.

Hot on their heels are the cops, responding to the alarm. As the three drunks round a bend, they spot a cats and dogs home, so they jump over the fence into the kennel yard.

They see three sacks lying on the ground and they each crawl into an empty bag. The cops leap over the fence behind them and spot the three bulging sacks on the ground. One cop kicks the first sack and the Englishman says: “Bark! Bark!”

“Ah, must be a dog!” says the cop and he kicks the second sack.

The Scotsman says: “Meow!”

The cop responds: “Hmm, must be cats.” He turns to the last sack, kicking it sharply.

The Irishman cries out: “Potatoes!”