Ariel Andful, email

A MAN decides to have a facelift for his birthday. He spends $5000 on the surgery and feels really good about the results. On his way home, he stops at a news-stand and buys a paper. Before leaving, he says to the sales clerk: “I hope you don’t mind me asking, but how old do you think I am?”

“About 35,” was the reply.

“I’m actually 47,” the man says proudly.

After that, he goes into McDonalds for lunch and asks the clerk the same question. “Oh, you look about 29,” comes the reply.

“I am actually 47,” the man smiles.

Later, while standing at a bus stop, he asks an old woman the same question. She replies: “I am 85 years old, and my eyesight is going. But when I was young, there was a sure way of telling a man’s age.

If I put my hand down your pants and play with your balls for 10 minutes, I will be able to tell you your exact age.”

It was a strange proposal to be sure, but there’s no one around so the man thinks what the hell and lets her slip her hand down his pants. Ten minutes later, the old lady says: “Okay, you are 47.”

Stunned, the man says: “That was brilliant. How did you do that?”

The old lady replies: “I was standing behind you at McDonald’s.”