Supher Kaiting, email

A MAN had a terrible passion for baked beans, even though they always had a somewhat lively effect on him. After he met the woman of his dreams, he resolved to give them up, as he didn’t want to subject his new wife to his post-bean emissions.

But on his birthday, his car broke down, so he called his wife and told her he’d have to walk home. As luck would have it, he walked past a cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he was still a couple of kilometres from home, he figured just this once he could have some of his beloved beans and then walk off any ill effects. So he had three extra-large helpings of beans and then ‘putt-putted’ all the way home.

His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. “I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight,” she told him. With that, she blindfolded him and led him to his chair at the head of the table.

Just as she was about to remove the blindfold he began to feel another one coming on. Fortunately, at that very moment the telephone rang and his wife went to answer it.

With his wife out of the room, the man grabbed the chance, shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg.

He gasped and felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better, when another urge came on. This one sounded like a diesel engine revving, and smelled worse. He tried flapping his arms to clear the air, but another one snuck out, and the windows rattled, the dishes on the table shook, and a minute later, the flowers on the table were dead.

Then his wife returned, asking him if he’d peeked at the dinner.

He assured her he had not, so she removed the blindfold and yelled: “Surprise!”

And to the man’s horror there were 12 dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party.