John Thomas-Burns, email

TWO doctors in a small country clinic hired a new nurse. But she had only worked two days when one doctor called the other to his office and said they would have to let her go.

“What? But we just hired her!” the other doctor exclaimed.

“Well, it’s just that she tends to get things backwards,” the first doctor replied. “I told her to give Mr Jones two shots of morphine every 24 hours, but she gave him 24 shots in two hours and nearly killed him. I told her to give Mrs Simpson an enema every 12 hours, but instead she gave her 12 in one hour!”

On hearing this, the second doctor rushed out of the room.

“Where are you going?” the first doctor called after him.

“To find the nurse!” the second doctor yelled back. “I just instructed her to prick Mr Smith’s boil!”