Rod Lesse, email

A MAN wakes up in hospital bandaged from head to toe. The doctor comes in and says: “Ah, I see you’ve regained consciousness. You probably won’t remember, but you were in a huge car accident. Now, you’re going to be okay, you’ll still be able to walk and everything. It’s just that, well, your penis was severed in the accident, and we couldn’t find it.”

An anguished moan can be heard from the man through his thick bandages.

The doctor continues: “Now, the good news is, you’ve got health insurance so you’ll have a $9000 pay-out coming, and we now have the technology to build a new penis. They work great, but they don’t come cheap – it’s $1000 an inch. So you must decide how many inches you want, but I’d strongly advise you to discuss this with your wife. After all, if you had five inches before and get a nine-incher now, she might be a little, er, put out. And if you had nine inches before and you went with just five inches now, she might be disappointed. So, it’s important that she plays a role in helping you make a decision.

The man agrees to talk it over with his wife.

The next day, the doctor comes back and asks: “So, have you spoken with your wife?”

“Yes, I have,” comes the man’s voice through his bandages.

“And has she helped you make a decision?”

“Yes,” the man replies.

“And what is your decision?” asks the doctor.

“We’re getting the kitchen renovated.”