LJ Silver, email

A PIRATE walked into a bar and the bartender said: “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a while. What happened? You look pretty terrible.”

“Arr, what do ye mean, matey?” the pirate snarled. “I be fine.”

“Well, what about the wooden leg?” the bartender asked. “You didn’t have that before.”

“Arr, we be in a battle, and I be hit with a cannonball,” the pirate replied. “But I be fine now.”

“Well, okay, but what about that hook?

What happened to your hand?”

“Arr, well, we be in another battle, y’see. I be boardin’ a ship and gettin’ into a swordfight. I get me hand cut off, and I be fitted with this ’ere hook. But I be fine, really.”

“Well, what about that eye patch?”

“Arr, one day we be at sea and a flock o’ birds be flyin’ over. I be lookin’ up at ’em, and one o’ them craps in me eye,” the pirate explained.

“You’re kidding!” the bartender exclaimed. “You couldn’t possibly lose an eye just from some bird crap.”

The pirate replied: “Arr, well, it be me first day with the hook.”