Dadge Oaks, email

I WEAR a stethoscope so that in a medical emergency I can teach people a valuable lesson about assumptions.

I REALLY want to buy one of those supermarket checkout dividers, but the lady behind the till keeps putting it back.

SHOUT out to my grandma – that’s the only way she can hear.

MY DOG used to chase people on a bike a lot. It got so bad, I eventually had to take his bike off him.

I SAW an ad in a shop window that said: ‘Television for Sale – $1. Volume Stuck On Full’. I thought: “I can’t turn that down.”

YOU can’t run through a campsite. You can only ran, because it’s past tents.

TWO goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other: “Do you know how to drive this thing?”

I DECIDED to sell my vacuum cleaner. It was just collecting dust.

WHITEBOARDS are remarkable.

I REMEMBER the first time I saw a universal remote controller. I thought to myself: “Now, this changes everything.”

I DREAMT about drowning in an ocean of orange soft drink last night. It took me a while to work out it was just a Fanta sea.