A REAL BUZZ

N Sect, email

THE world’s leading expert on European wasps walked into a record shop. He asked the assistant: “Do you have European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2? I believe it was released this week.”

“Certainly,” the shop assistant replied. “Would you like to listen before you buy it?”

“That would be wonderful,” the expert said, and put on a pair of headphones.

He listened for a few moments, then said to the assistant: “I’m sorry, but I am the world’s leading expert on European wasps and this is not accurate at all. I don’t recognise any of those sounds. Are you sure this is the correct recording?”

The assistant checked the turntable, and replied that the man was indeed listening to European Vespidae Acoustics Volume 2. He apologised to the man and dropped the needle onto the next track.

The expert listened to this new track for a few moments. “No, this just can’t be right!” he insisted. “I’ve been an expert in this field for 40 years and I still don’t recognise any of these sounds.”

Once again the assistant apologised and dropped the needle onto the next track.

Within seconds, the expert threw off the headphones, fuming with rage.

“This is outrageous false advertising!” he yelled.

“I am the world’s leading expert on European wasps and no European wasp has ever made a sound like the ones on this record!”

The manager of the shop overheard the commotion and walked over. “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

“I am the world’s leading expert on European wasps,” the man huffed. “Nobody knows more about them than I do. There is no way in hell that the sounds on that record were made by European wasps!”

The manager glanced down at the record on the turntable and instantly saw what the problem was.

“I’m terribly sorry, sir,” he said. “It appears we’ve been playing you the bee side.”