LOL

Send your favourite funnies to: LOL, Street Machine, Locked Bag 12, Oakleigh, Vic 3166 or email them to:

Send your favourite funnies to: LOL, Street Machine, Locked Bag 12, Oakleigh, Vic 3166 or email them to: streetmachine@bauer-media.com.au.

GAG OF THE MONTH

FINAL EXAM

FOUR university students were taking an organic chemistry class, and each had received top marks for their assignments and exams so far. Now the final exam was approaching, but the four friends were so confident they’d do well that on the weekend before the exam they decided to go on a road trip to the coast to party with some friends there.

They had a great time, so much so that they didn’t get back home until early Monday morning – the day of the exam. Extremely the worse for wear after their weekend of revelry, they decided that rather than take the exam then, they would track down their lecturer afterwards and explain to him why they missed it.

They explained that they had gone to a university on the coast to do some research in the university’s archives, and had planned to come back in time to study, but unfortunately they had a flat tyre on the way back, didn’t have a spare, and couldn’t get help for a long time. As a result, they only just arrived now!

The lecturer thought it over and then agreed they could make up their final exam the following day. The guys were elated and relieved. They studied hard all night and went in the next day at the time the lecturer had told them.

He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of them a test booklet with only two questions, worth a total of 100 points. The first problem was worth five points. It was something simple about free radical formation. “Cool,” they all thought in their separate rooms. “This is going to be easy.” So each student finished the problem and turned the page. It was then they read: “Question 2 (for 95 points): Which tyre?”

Fay L Yerr, email

JUGGLING ACT #1

AN ENGLISHMAN, a Frenchman, a Spaniard and a German are walking down the street together. They see a juggler performing on the street and decide to go watch, but there are so many people around that it’s very difficult for the four men to see the juggler.

Recognising that the four men and many others in the audience are struggling to see, the juggler steps onto a high platform and asks: “Can you see me now?” The Englishman, Frenchman, Spaniard and German answer: “Yes.” “Oui.” “Si.” “Ja.”

Lynov Site, email

FUNNY

JUGGLING ACT #2

A HIGHWAY patrolman pulled a car over that was speeding. “Any reason why you were exceeding the speed limit, sir?” he asked the driver.

“Sorry officer, but I’m a juggler on my way to perform a show and I’m running very late!” the driver replied.

“A juggler, eh?” the cop said. “You know, I’ve always wanted to learn that. Tell you what: If you do a bit of juggling for me right now, won’t give you a ticket.” The driver told the cop that unfortunately he had sent his equipment on ahead so didn’t have anything to juggle. So the cop rummaged around in the boot of his police car, found five flares, lit them and handed them to the juggler. “Here you go; juggle these!” he said.

So the driver proceeded to juggle the flares, and just then a car pulled in behind the police car. A man, obviously extremely intoxicated, got out and watched the performance, enraptured.

Once the juggler finished, the drunk promptly opened the back door of the cop car and got in.

“Hey! What do you think you’re doing?” the policeman cried.

The drunk replied: “Well, you might as well take my arse to jail, ’cause there’s no way I’m going to be able to pass that test!”

N Tettainer, email

SHOW & TELL

ONE day little Billy’s teacher asked the class to bring a gadget from home, and each student would then stand up and explain to the class what their gadget was and what it did.

So the next day the class began and the first to show their gadget was a girl called Judy. “I brought a kettle,” she announced. “It boils water.”

“And who gave it to you?” asked the teacher.

“My mum,” Judy replied. “She said that you have to be careful when pouring hot water as it can give you burns.”

The teacher and the rest of the class applauded and the next kid got up, and so on and so on. Eventually, it was little Billy’s turn.

“What did you bring to class, Billy?” the teacher asked.

“I brought a mechanical ventilator,” Billy replied.

“Who gave it to you?”

“Grandpa did,” Billy said. “And what did Grandpa say?” the teacher asked.

Billy replied: “He said: ‘I can’t breathe you little shhhhhhhh...’”

E Dyde, email

LIFE LESSON

PATIENT: “Doctor, my girlfriend is pregnant!

How is this possible? We always use protection!”

Doctor: “Let me you story: There was once tell a a hunter who always carried a gun wherever he went. One day he accidently grabbed his umbrella instead of his gun and went out.

He was walking along, when suddenly a lion jumped in front of him. So the hunter pulled out the umbrella, shot the lion, and it died.”

Patient: “But that doesn’t make sense! You can’t shoot a lion with an umbrella! Someone else must have shot the lion.”

Doctor: Excellent! You understood my story.

Next patient please.”

Di Agnosis, email

> THOUGHT OF THE MONTH

Start every day off with a smile and get it over with – WC Fields